Go Ahead Hate Me

 Is it normal to hate God when you are in so much pain?

How do you direct this anger towards God when you are unable to reach Him?

Would you dare inflict damage on his creations instead?

Do you also feel it is wrong because they are innocent and had nothing to do with whatever difficulty you are constantly being subjected to as of the moment? 

Will you just end your one way relationship with God?

Will you just end it by simply not acknowledging His very existence?

Will that be categorized as revenge? 

Because the mere fact that you are angry with Him only meant you still acknowledge that He exists.

I don't think this is how people become atheists, but how I wish I am one.

10 Days No Eggs Challenge


DAY 1 
Feb 23 Fri
Adobong buko

DAY 2 
Feb 24 Sat
Adobong Talong with Kamatis

Day 3
Feb 25 Sun
Palpak na Puso ng Saging Burger kaya Adobong Buko na lang uli 😆

Day 4
Feb 26 Mon
Mostly leftovers from Day 3 and in the evening - classic favorite Kanin-Toyo! (with kamatis)

..buti pa yung apple cider vinegar "With The Mother" 😞

Day 5
Feb 27 Tue
Raw Repolyo with sosyal na sauce at rice para hindi halatang mahirap pero hindi masarap ang sosyal na sauce kaya dun pa rin tayo sa paboritong slapsoil soysauce 
(ayun nagka mild UTI ako kinabukasan)

Day 6
Feb 28 Wed
Okra naman, naman! 

I am afraid. I am very afraid

 In a couple of days I will be taking an exam. My fear of failure is overwhelming because I can't help but feel I am too old and rusty for this.

If I happen to be younger and still living with my mother, maybe she will make a list of the names of important people I am supposed to memorize. She is also the one who told me based on her quick research the exam might be about current events.

I have been adulting for so long, I no longer have any idea what is happening in the country. I do not know the names of prominent politicians and law makers, department heads and secretaries.

But my mother, she is still very sharp.

That's what mothers do. They suprisingly know everything and if they happen to not know, they find ways.

I am not sure about fathers. You are lucky if you have a helpful one, but mostly they are at least kind. Mine was one of the kindest in the planet. 

My son how I wish you had been given more time to really get to know them.

I hope wherever you are and whoever you are with, i hope there is at least one person who is teaching you to be kind.. to not hurt women or add to the already heavy burden and suffocating expectations society shoves in their throats - I hope someone is teaching you women are not merely your servants. 

So that one day if you will not become the supportive type of a head of a family, you will at least be kind and not hurt people.

To Each There is Only One

 The Same Sky

The Same Wind

The Same Sun

The Same Moon



Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does. ~Margaret Atwood

Book: The Penelopiad 


Dogs lives are short, too short, but you know that going in. You know the pain is coming, you're going to lose a dog, and there's going to be great anguish, so you live fully in the moment with her, never fail to share her joy or delight in her innocence, because you can't support the illusion that a dog can be your lifelong companion. There's such beauty in the hard honesty of that, in accepting and giving love while always aware that it comes with an unbearable price.

Maybe loving dogs is a way we do penance for all the other illusions we allow ourselves and the mistakes we make because of those illusions. ~Dean Koontz

Book: The Darkest Evening of the Year 


Color is a microconsciousness. Like our senses of taste and smell, color helps us to understand the world around us. While it gives us elementary survival skills, color also enriches our lives, allowing us to appreciate everything from the beauty of a rainbow, to the aesthetic pleasure of a painting.

The brain uses light signals detected by the retina's cone photoreceptors as the building blocks for color perception. Three types of cone photoreceptors detect light over a range of wavelengths. The brain mixes and categorizes these signals to perceive color in a process that is not well understood.

The retina is covered with millions of light sensitive cells called rods and cones. When these cells detect light, they send signals to the brain. Cone cells help detect colors. Most people have three kinds of cone cells.

Grapheme–color synesthesia or colored grapheme synesthesia is a form of synesthesia in which an individual's perception of numerals and letters is associated with the experience of colors. Like all forms of synesthesia, grapheme–color synesthesia is involuntary, consistent and memorable.

Short Lines


I am the kind of person who talks to a tree and tell it "You are so beautiful. Thank you for existing."

And then I will wonder why can't at least one soul speak kindly to me too?

January 21, 2024

I don't like talking about music. Sometimes, I don't even like listening.

I like making music.

January 22, 2024

I don't like long discussions about music. You listen to music. You don't discuss it.

Last Friday

I learned a new feeling recently - how it feels to be a hostage-taker on the verge of self harm.

While I may feel better now and I am fully aware at that time that what is going on in my mind will not last and it is even more comforting to know that these things do not happen seven days a week or 24/7, "this too shall pass, this too shall pass.." I can't help but dive again towards a downward spiral, like accidentally stepping on quicksand except that in life there are really no accidents and each time you fail, you just sink quicker and humans will not have enough time to save you just like in the movies.

It made me re affirm my belief that we must not rely on chances or fate alone, that we must keep schedules diligently and transform into some kind of monster whenever confronted with uncertainty. We must fight against it, hell-bent to not allow it.

Yet we must listen more to intuition or inner voices telling is what to do.

But isn't that two contradictory - a rigid schedule and a complete surrender on what our heart and mind tells us in the absence of evidence, reason and all other things that make sense?

It took a couple of nights before I had a rude awakening that I am really the one to blame.

I thought I had complete knowledge of where I am supposed to be at any particular moment so I refused to listen to a voice inside my head that repeatedly told me to ask again what time do I need to be there. 

That I must stop hating and blaming other people for situations that had nothing to do with them. 

Life has a funny way of reminding us we should not be overly serious about it. Learn to accept that even a small dose of happiness maybe subtle and fleeting and for this reason alone we must not attach ourselves carelessly on feelings because it will not last.

Sadness will not last.